Saturday, 11 April 2015

Hiding


This journey of movement has felt like a pinball game at times. Ideas and images of future possibility a kaleidoscope of shift after shift, of encounters with self that force re thinking over and over again. It's hard because I tried to do something at the end of last year, went to a therapist who opened me up. I was selling drums to afford it, deconstructing a part of me so artfully created over time. Instruments that I found comfort and peace playing were sold and gone; the succour they gave removed, leaving me struggling, the place I could go when locked into a groove no longer there.

I was hiding in music, finding safety in it.

It would mostly work but I knew I had to expose wounds and heal myself.

The hard part is the job was not finished, money had to go elsewhere - I had to stop seeing this therapist just as I was at my most vulnerable.

That was my starting point for this Eiger journey.

Already feeling broken

So my journey has been really emotional so far, the self torn open and raw. Pain flowing freely as tears silently fall.

Climb out

Don't hide

I try

But am finding those moments on my bike or running are the perfect stage for horribly sad surges of emotion; no distraction in busy; no distraction in rhythm & drumming. No hiding..

Climbing out is hard.

I won't stop


Colin.