The Mist Is Rising…

This last month or so has definitely been a challenge. Training plans for the Eiger and the para-climbing have had to be adjusted and readjusted whilst you know the clock is still ticking. I’ve not experienced such a prolonged period of MS fatigue before.  Each day you’re hoping that normal service will resume and sometimes it feels as though, yes e’re ok, but then suddenly you hit empty and there is no pushing through it.  Thankfully the mist has started to rise and we’re back on track, or at least moving forwards!

A trip to the lakes certainly helped, combing celebrations for a good friend’s birthday and some rather damp bouldering was just what the doctor ordered.  Although my frustration levels of not being able to do a number of the problems was evident – why is it they all seemed to rely on my weak side powering through and could I find a way through, no. 1-0 to the boulder problem! A walk up to the pudding stone, a short if not windy play on the boulder and then a walk back round the head of the valley was a good test to see how the walking faired. 1-0 to Al . Easter and trip to the north of Scotland is planned and hopefully catching up with friends and a wee bit of cragging.  Fingers crossed, the training is back on track.

On a different note during these last few weeks I’ve been thinking about risks and the level in which we are happy to take.  Some folk may think we take unusually high risks as climbers but to me it’s a calculated risk, one we have thought through and willing to take.

I know I stepped back from leading harder routes as I didn’t trust my body.  Would the leg spasm, would I be stuck trying to do a move which relied on my weak side, would my vision go blurry just when you needed to focus  or that  horrible issue that no one wants to talk about– would my bladder behave!  The risk seemed to outweigh my courage, hence stepping back.  Learning that its ok to fail is hard, I’ve never liked to lose or be defeated by something and I still struggle with that today.   These past 2 years I’ve been on a different treatment for the MS which I feel has had a huge difference but brings its own risk.  The longer you’re on it and in my case, post the 2 year mark the risk rises from 1:1000 to 1:100 of developing a progressive brain disease.  Do you continue with the treatment which you feel allows you to do the things you love or do you come off it and hope that MS will not progress?  Is 1:100 a risk too far?

Thinking about the Eiger, the risk doesn’t feel quite as scary at the moment, although as we get closer I’m sure that may change…

Opening the door and stepping through...

Opening a door which you've previously closed, stepping away from a part of your life you've previously loved and lived for so that it can't be taken away from you again scares me.  There's a feeling of vulnerability, uncertainty but at the same time it's exciting, there's that familiar feeling you know and love, a focus, that burning sensation as a project comes to life.

It may seem strange to folk to make that type of decision back then, to step away, but at the time it was my way of coping with the uncertainty and frustration of MS.  Having to relearn to walk, to be able to be in the mountains, to climb was one of the hardest things to do but at the time something I wasn't willing to let go of.  In my head this was just a blip and everything would be the same, the reality of living with something that you have no control over hadn't sunk in.  Roll on 5 years and she's made her mark and the body won't play ball the way its known, you get tired.  There's a sense of loss, that person you were has gone.

So opening that door again, just a wee bit - getting involved in paraclimbing has had its challenges but hasn’t felt too scary has actually felt relatively safe..  Finding new ways of climbing, letting go off the past - the climber I was, even having your butt kicked at a coaching session when you think you can't do something because of the disability and not that you just think you can't do it - is good.  As I say this all seems relatively safe and controlled compared to our Eiger challenge.

If you asked me back in January how I felt, how the training was going, a positive Al would have responded. The possibility of climbing such an iconic mountain with friends, sharing the experience knowing the impact this would have on us and possibly others was exciting. We had a plan, I was going to focus on core strength and stamina so that the fatigue didn't build or impact too much. But this last month feels as though the whole door has been thrown open and I’m teetering on the edge.  I've been struggling with the MS fatigue for the past three weeks.  Just going up and down stairs feels as though I'm summiting a mountain with uneven lead weights strapped to my arms and legs. I know I love a challenge but from where I’m sitting it seems a monumental task and the clock is ticking…

Alex

The Hard Stuff - Multiple Sclerosis on the Eiger... My Friend.

Multiple Sclerosis

I am getting into looking at the harder stuff now, with all the other stuff in place and the wheels turning, it's now about the reality of bringing this together with care and increasing my depth of my knowledge in my friends condition: Multiple Sclerosis.

Researching the effects of altitude on MS has been a tearful day, because knowing Alex as a friend and coach, has brought me closer to her challenges both for the Eiger, but also her life and the life of others with the same condition. This is what this is about for me, I know this... Loss...

Smiler Taylor :)

Alex's bravery to engage in this project when I know how much she has to suffer in her daily life right now as her coach, when her body begins to fail her and the dark wave of fear of not knowing wither this wave of MS is taking her further away from who she feels she is today breaks my heart. 

But her nick name is 'smiler' and that's who she is to me and all her friends. Her courage to even consider the Eiger with MS is to me, inexplicable. But I know this, as a man who has carried broken friends off mountains in the past, I have never felt so compelled as a human being to really get to know every detail of all this to make sure that Alex is understood,supported and driven hard when we need to drive hard but also cared for with the support she will need to both climb the Eiger and more importantly recover from the experience once down.

When we train together in Wales, she pretends that everything is cool with her fatigue as she leaves our training session and takes the long drive back into England, but I know she probably drops a tear on her lap whilst at the steering wheel wishing her body would help her a little more.

It's Colin & I's job to make sure we fully understand Alex's condition but I promise you smiler, I will not let you down up there.

love

Coach Bastardo

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"There are potential impacts of high altitude exposure on persons with preexisting neurological conditions who normally reside at low altitude. These conditions include permanent and transient lack of oxygen to (portions of) the brain (e.g., stroke, transient ischemic attack [TIA, or stroke "warning"]), occlusive cerebral artery disease (e.g., atherosclerosis of the cerebral arteries), central venous thrombosis (clotted large veins in the brain), abnormal blood vessels within the skull (e.g., aneurysms), multiple sclerosis, space-occupying lesions within the skull (e.g., benign and malignant tumors), dementia, movement disorders, migraine and other headaches, and epilepsy (seizures)."

Eiger Paraclimb 2015

A small team of British climbers are tackling the West Flank Route to the summit of The Eiger in Switzerland in July along with Finalcrux Films who will be recording the climb. The team's objective is to safely assist two members of the BMC GB Paraclimbing Team, John Churcher (Visually Impaired) & Alex Taylor (Multiple Sclerosis).

The Eiger Paraclimb 2015 is inspired by a will to raise awareness of Paraclimbing on an international stage alongside supporting the climbout365 challenge for awareness of mental health.

Mark McGowan (GB Paraclimbing Team Coach) and Scottish mountaineer Colin Gourlay will climb and assist on the route. Jamie Owen will be part of the support team at base camp and is likely to assist in the early stages of the climb.  Jamie is also a UK Paraclimber with Autism.

John with Mark (his sight guide) and Alex recently competed in the televised 2014 World Championships in Gijon, Spain where John took Bronze Medal. John has 3% tunnel vision and also wears two hearing aids.  Alex has MS which will be a separate challenge both in terms of  balance due to weakness on her left side, coordination, and heat induced physical and mental fatigue.  The paraclimber's disabilities in this mountain environment, although challenging,  will require a very technical approach to elements of the climb which would not normally be part of a standard ascent.

For example,  John will be exposed to double sensory impairment. This not only means that he will need to be guided and sight called every step to summit the Eiger, but other processes employed by the team to make sure that John is considered at every point of the climb, even how he is woken in the mornings bivouacked on the face without hearing and 3% vision. The same for Alex in how her MS affects her endurance and balance.

It is hoped that John and Alex ascent of this most iconic of mountains will inspire others and especially younger disabled people to  try and improve their lives through adventure and increase awareness of the capability of paraclimbers.