Crazy Nuts...

Weekend Beach Bivi under the stars with gorgeous Suzi

Monday morning filming

Monday Evening Hill Run up Crib Goch & Snowdon

Tuesday Trad with Jay - Autism At Height

Wednesday Sea Cliff climbing with Jay working on
 Autism At Height Project

Thursday Coaching Pretty Boy on his
8a Paraclimbing Project

Friday morningTea break tools in between coaching
 Pretty Boy

Friday afternoon 15 mile hill run back up.

By the time my week had got from Suzi arriving on the Friday the week before, a lot of great things had happened. An amazingly perfect weekend with a wonderful woman, followed by mornings, afternoons, and evenings filled with exciting and inspiring events, one thing just driving my energy for more of the next thing. It just kept getting better and better. My friend Colin couldn't make the training weekend (which I knew was killing him, but he had some bad shit to sort out, and he did).

I wanted the Eiger Paraclimb to energise my life, and it has, as I knew it would. I'm not crazy, just had to deal with some crazy stuff in the last few years. The Eiger Paraclimb is not crazy, it's just going to require a level of concentration that will be very draining at the time but will be worth it.

I intentionally pushed myself aerobically the day before the team arrived on the Friday, because I knew that the Eiger is not about having energy for one day. It's about having the fitness and endurance to sustain more than one day on a mountain, and when that is drained, it's about whats left inside you, your heart and wither you choose to just look after yourself in a life threatening environment or are prepared to put others lives in front of yours.

Even our training day was inspiring. To sight guide John up a reasonably technical ridge climb in such poor conditions whilst keeping one eye on Alex when she needed it and getting her help when I needed it, was fascinating.

I got soaked in the initial hail/rain storm bringing John up on an exposed part of the ridge and couldn't get warm again at the pace we were moving at. I was hypothermic but was pleased that I stuck by them both in such a state, as I was desperate to just go faster and faster to try and get warm again, but that wasn't possible for John and I on that terrain.

It was a training weekend to test us all and it did. John and Al's courage and trust that they have put in me was actually a little over whelming. John and I moved much quicker and safer than I expected on the technical ground. The boulder fields were hell for both of us. For me it was hell because I knew it was hell for John. When you hold another human beings hand/arm most of the way up and down a mountain, you get a greater feel of what life, trust and friendship is actually all about.

Topping the Eiger with a blind climber and a climber with MS has little to do with the Eiger or John and Al's diversity. It is all about the human journey and the spirit of how capable and courageous all of us actually are when faced with such things.

Inspiration is not really found in an individual, it lives among us all.

Nearly froze ma nuts off, Note to self... Get some decent gear from somewhere asap because I like my nuts. Couldn't stop thinking about Suzi's perfectly formed bum to keep me going at the worst moments. Crazy for her...

The Eiger Team minus Colin setting out for
Tryfan North Ridge in Snowdonia

Tryfan: A test of mind and body . Will I break?

Well, I made it over to Wales for our first Mountain experience with Mark and Al. Saturday morning came and we decided to see how we worked as a team and try different techniques on how me and Mark would work together.

It was about 10.20am when we got to the car park, it had started to rain so we put our waterproofs on, this i did not like as it makes me feel claustrophobic, but what bugs me more is as soon as the hood goes up the hearing aids start to whistle. Thankfully it was only a short shower and i thought that was it, boy was I wrong.

Off we went opened the gate to the path and WHAM straight into the first boulder field, a long day ahead i thought.

To me this was a nightmare,  with my vision it all looks flat apart from shadows but still don't know if a shadow is shadow or a hole until I get there as I have no depth perception. Add this to being colour blind and straight lines/edges looking broken oh and add in a bit of looking through frosted glass and fog then you have my eyesight. 

It didn't start well, I had gone no more than 20ft and stumbled, great start I thought but I carried on. Soon, I was too hot, so off came the layers.

Me and Mark were using the guide rope/handle he had made and Al was nearby soloing, all was going well. Then the rain came, only this time, it did not stop. We were making steady progress always up(which is good when you are aiming for the summit!) Yes it was slow but it was going well. I knew it wasn't going to be easy but I was determined to do it. We then hit more boulder fields but we kept going. By this point it was raining heavy but spirits were high.

All this time I had either my left or right hand on the guide rope, which I should say is a piece of rope with movable knots on it, this attaches either side of Mark's harness. This is so much easier  than having to put my arm on his rucksack all the time.

Then we had to start doing more vertical ascents, so it was time to try another technique this time it was short roping. Mark would climb up 20ft or so wait and then I would follow. This was when we moved fastest it was great. Then the weather turned even worse as we where doing this as full storm hit us... Rain, snow and hail. This was when the temperature droped to (-1) but with the wind chill it felt a lot colder. So this was my first Diff or so in hiking boots and gloves, I was pleased with that, but this was when it got harder. The wind picked up more which meant that it was very hard to hear anybody next to me let alone Mark when he was 20ft up a crag and out of sight and it hurt to look up because of the hail and all the time i'm thinking will my hearing aids get too wet and fail. We climbed like this for about four pitches.

Every now and then I would ask; "are we near the summit yet" only to be told it was only a false summit/ridge and there was still more to go. Guess I sounded like a small child saying "Are we nearly there yet" this isn't because I can't go on it's because I can't see it.

We were nearing the summit at about 3.40pm and we had to make a decision, was it up or round and up?  In the mist we could hear other people and Mark asked Al to traverse over towards the calls and take a look at the route. Mark thought the others were lost as they were questioning what they were doing. We chose to go with our own decision and he lead two roped pitches that took both of us onto the final ridge. 

I should point out at this point that Mark was wet from having to bring me up on the first roped section further down just as the storm hit before he could get his waterproof shell on. 

He seemed very cold and wanted to go faster but all I could think was, can we slow down a bit, that was not an option... Mark said we had 4 hrs before dark and wanted off the summit and onto the lower path below the rock fields (which I suppose he knew as well as me was the most difficult terrain for us both).

Once we were all up, we continued roped together with Al behind.

We summited about 1h20mins later, moving across ridges was much slower than steeper wall climbing. There was no time for photos, we were all wet and cold, now it was time to get down and fast.

We began our descent from the summit, straight into another boulder field only this time it was ankle and leg breaking country just the right place for a blind man!

By now Mark was colder, he didnt seem able to warm up at the speed at which we were moving. It seemed to prevent him from generating enough natural body heat that would have dried him out from the inside. My hands had begun to get cold . Al was also feeling it.

All the time it was raining and we were getting wetter and colder Mark was wanting to move fast but this was not what I could do but I pushed on in the process and with Al still roped to us behind. Going faster meant one thing, more risk and in my case, that means more bruises. A small price to pay but not what i thought at the time.

Then disaster struct, Mark lost the path, this happened because he is sight guiding for me and like me, when you look down, you lose your way. So all we could do at this point was carry on down in the direction that meant something to them. We then located the path again and all was well for a bit.

Then we lost it again, at this point Al was suffering from what she calls cog fog  from her MS and was not quite sure which way to go, so out came the map and compass and between her and Mark they worked out which way to go. 

Then the only problem was, we had hit a rock band with no way left or right, the only way down was to scramble down a 25ft sloping chimney.

One thing I want to make clear is that, as a blind person doing such a thing, you MUST trust the person who is guiding you 150%. if they say duck, you duck, if they say follow me down a chimney, you go, no questions asked. If you doubt them, that is when things go wrong. We all descended the chimney safely  and carried on down.

We re found the path and Al spotted the col so we were over the moon but not quite down yet. Mark was obviously very cold (as I could here it in his voice) so speed was the key. At this point we were all very tired but safe in the knowledge that we were on the defined path leading to easier ground. We were all slowing down and slipping a bit more with Al falling a least twice and me, well I lost count. 

By the end, the rain had stopped, we were down and super pleased with ourselves. The descent took 2h15min, no broken bones or any  injuries, so in all a very successful day proving that if you put your mind to it you can do it.

Yes it was not good weather and we could have had better gear, but it was a brilliant experience and showed us that as a team we will make the Eiger trip a success and that having a disability should not be a barrier.

So the answer to the title question... I WILL NOT BREAK.

John.

Here is a link to the BMC Video of the route (HERE)

Pain Barriers...

Jamie Owen on sea cliffs (N Wales, UK)

It's been an amazing few weeks with Eiger training and other stuff. Establishing some things with John And Jay that I needed to know about them operating under duress before we got to the Eiger.

I had to push John physically during a long run to a point that I new he was in real pain, so I would know what this sounded like. There is no point going on the Eiger and being confused by noises of fatigue compared to noises of real pain and injury. Fatigue is managed differently from injury and now I know what John sounds like in real pain. A hard thing to put someone through but might just save lives up there.

The same for Jay, but not physical. I had him lead me up to a preplaced belay then try to arrange his belay device correctly to bring me up safely. After much verbal horn locking we achieved what I wanted: Getting him to break his rules and do simply as I ask whilst under stress of confusiion against a backdrop of perceived danger. The danger wasn't for him, he was worried that he was not belaying me safely, (he wasn't, but I knew that), he was worried he would hurt me!

So we did that today at the crag (horrible to press him like that, but neccessary for our safety on the Eiger) then enjoyed the rest of the day soloing above the water and swinging wildly above the sea on a flying arete that overhung so much it hurt your neck looking up! Amazing weather, amazing places with amazing people...

Eiger gets closer, I want this...
Oh yeh, met the most amazing woman... I want her too.
Mark

Hiding

This journey of movement has felt like a pinball game at times. Ideas and images of future possibility a kaleidoscope of shift after shift, of encounters with self that force re thinking over and over again. It's hard because I tried to do something at the end of last year, went to a therapist who opened me up. I was selling drums to afford it, deconstructing a part of me so artfully created over time. Instruments that I found comfort and peace playing were sold and gone; the succour they gave removed, leaving me struggling, the place I could go when locked into a groove no longer there.

I was hiding in music, finding safety in it.

It would mostly work but I knew I had to expose wounds and heal myself.

The hard part is the job was not finished, money had to go elsewhere - I had to stop seeing this therapist just as I was at my most vulnerable.

That was my starting point for this Eiger journey.

Already feeling broken

So my journey has been really emotional so far, the self torn open and raw. Pain flowing freely as tears silently fall.

Climb out

Don't hide

I try

But am finding those moments on my bike or running are the perfect stage for horribly sad surges of emotion; no distraction in busy; no distraction in rhythm & drumming. No hiding..

Climbing out is hard.

I won't stop

Colin.

                                      

I've got to know you now. We may never meet again...

I got to know the Eiger when I did the North Face, but this time I've got to know her well, because this time it's not about me or my personal ego or ambitions.

When I've met a woman I thought wanted to be with in the past, I've found myself talking down my life experiences as though they were just foolin with me, but the woman I want to be with after the Eiger, 'I want to get to know her now, as if we'd never meet again'...

When I try to explain my past experiences, just looking at the physical stuff, It is hard to relate to someone, that you just want to cuddle all night, that your body was thrown out of a car through the back windscreen as the car was flipped knocking you out on the road or, that just up to the right of the car crash, a year later, on the mountain, you were thrown over three 200 foot drops in an avalanche that killed your mate. It hurts when you hit the ground from 200ft and live. Then hold your breathe for the next one...

 It's hard sometimes, living with physical traumas, but it is harder relating it to someone nice, giving and cuddly. You just want to be like a little boy underneath your past, you really don't want them to feel that stuff. But I suppose it has allowed me to live my life as if it matters more than it may have done, had I not hit the ground from so high and lived.

"I've got to know you now. We may never meet again..."

Mark.

Run, Run, Run

First run in 30 years...

The Lunatic dragged me out today. Literally!

Well I never would have thought that I would be doing this activity again. The last time I did this was nearly 30 years ago when I was at school, 1986 in a school cross-country race. Guess I gave it up because it was not safe but also I was not encouraged to do any sort of exercise or sport once teachers etc were aware of my vision loss.

Looking back now I can see that was wrong.

But now all I do is look forward.

My aim is to show that anything is possible, a bit like running one foot in front of the other and don't look back. So yes today's activity was running. I did about 3 miles with some rests but it felt good. I ache a bit now, probably more in the morning.

We used a rope with a moveable knot to give a bit more movement to guide me (which Mark has made for his harness on the Eiger for me to grip when needed), it worked well. I look forward to the next run (I think). I suppose what I am doing and saying is that if you are a parent, teacher, or run a sport clubs or are involved with children/young adults in any way and they have a disability don't hold them back let them have a go, it may or may not work out but let them work it out for themselves.

mmm?

John.

Thank you TCA!

John and I made it down to the TCA Bristol Competition for a great afternoon and evening with some cool people.

We did the comp together as a VI team, where John marked my score card and and I marked his in between sight calling the problems. John flashed a couple of problems I fell off, and vice versa, and I came 8th and John 25th  out of 36 in the men's open flash category. I suspect John  blindly ticked the wrong box on my card, but hey, I will happily take 8th amongst these guys...

It was great climbing at a comp in this inclusive way and also being able to demonstrate John's mental determination and physical strength in a bouldering competition environment. 

Sight Calling with John in Comp

I was always a fan of the TCA as I was one of the first in the door when they opened their Glasgow bouldering centre a few years ago. I was working with Malcolm Smith  and the 'Dumby boys' on the ropes at the Finnart Oil Terminal as part of a small team of 4, with Malcolm as our team leader. We would do our day job then all speed out the security gates from the loch side terminal and race down to the new TCA in Glasgow about every night until our bodies said 'rest'.Took a few weeks for that to happen!I think it is one of the best bouldering centres in Europe.

Malcolm S on font 7c+ at Dumby, Glasgow

TCA Glasgow

The Climbing Academy prides itself on being as inclusive and accessible as possible: In-house instructors are trained in:

• Inclusive Communication - using appropriate language to ensure safe, effective and fun climbing sessions.

• Sight-Guiding - using specific systems to guide people with visual impairments while climbing.

• Deaf-Awareness - including adults and children in regular or private sessions and when appropriate using iDID Adventure's Sign-Climb System to help climbers follow the routes. (http://www.ididadventure.co.uk/deaf-awareness-in-rock-climbing)

• They also have a volunteer BSL Interpreter available if necessary.

• They offer free inductions and life-time registrations, for parents or carers of children and adults with disabilities, which allows you then to climb together independently of an instructor.

I met someone from my past in Stoke on Trent when I soloed at the Roaches with Andy Popp, Alan Williams, Nick Dickson and Johnny Dawes. Turns out he is now the father of Hamish Potokar who won the men's final! A fitting end  for me to a great event ran by kind people; Paul Twomey & Richard Emerson from TCA Bristol and Rosa from BICFest.

For me, the Eiger Paraclimb is all about being kind and inspired as a human being, not too much more, I think.

Thank you TCA and all the competitors for your amazing donations to our quest. Inspired!!!

Solutions

Well dusting off the bike. Working out the miles ahead. The play list of music that'll fuel my soul as pedals turn and turn. Got my 'I'm here!!!' clobber to keep me dry and safe.

It's what I had planned, part of the jigsaw of work to lift me higher.

Minimum of 14 miles a day if it's only to work, 24 if I'm working down at the Glasgow Climbing Centre too.

Roughly a 100 miles each week minimum. So that'll help sort me oot a bit.

Gump plans also & gym shit too.

(Stirring montage moment)

Letting go of much to give room for this. Some rest in velvet boxes, some set free into the sky.

Trying to be kind to myself at the same time as shining the boot to kick my arse.

Trying to let movement and flow carry me through pain.

Bla bla 'Pain is temporary, pride is Forever....'

So solving problems inside and out. Lightening my load, getting moving.

Trying to carve new shapes, bit by bit.

Solutions not problems

Solutions not problems

Repeat....


Colin

Un-complicating the complicated... Unavoidable Danger

John Churcher at Creation Climbing Wall, Birmingham, UK

Made it over from the Welsh mountains of Snowdonia to do some work with John regarding sight guiding preparations for Eiger and meet up with Alex to see how she is doing in Birmingham before TCA Competition.

Alex is going through a hard time with a big decision to make that will effect her life, one way or the other. It's not the Eiger, it's bigger than that and I'm glad I made it over to give her a big ass cuddle. She needed it :) It's not a complicated decision that Alex has to make, just a dangerous one that will effect her life with MS.

Alex at Creation Climbing Centre, UK

It was hard to see Alex fighting her MS fatigue at the moment, but we had a good personal chat about things and I will be back over to go to her next physiotherapy appointment with her in a few weeks to make sure I improve my understanding of the challenges we will face before, on and after the Eiger. Luckily we managed to find time for a climb together and a satisfactory dose of me kicking her ass! Need my coaching fix!

John and Annie

Luckily I didn't have to cuddle John! We are trying to un-earth technical issues related to the pace, best methods and bespoke devices for improving my sight guiding on the Eiger. Getting there...

coms

Coms...