The Top Three Alpine Climbs of 2015 | Climbing Daily, Ep. 629

EIGER PARACLIMB LECTURE SERIES 2016 by Mark McGowan

LECTURE SERIES BY MARK MCGOWAN
 in association with FINALCRUX FILMS

The story of 3 days on the infamous Eiger sight guiding a world first, with blind climber John Churcher along with two other British Paraclimbers, Jamie Owen (Autistic), Alex Taylor (MS) and Scottish climber Colin Gourlay.

(Photo: Finalcrux Films)

If you are an organisation looking to book the lecture then please contact markmcgowan01@gmail.com for information

 

(Photo: Finalcrux Films)

"Defiance - The Eiger Paraclimb" Official Trailer 2015 from Finalcrux Films Showing at the Kendal Film Festival 2015

Made Summit at 3pm 26/07/2015

Interfearence...

When preparing for anything personaly challenging I suppose you need to take that step back from the busyness of what your caught up in to allow yourself mental quiet to reinvest the Core reason for engaging in such a thing.

For me, I'm switching off from the world to find that place that can remove all the external distractions that will only interfere with the required mentality to Paraclimb the Eiger.

My experience of people when they're scared, is that they project that fear onto you in extreme situations as anger or constructed reasons for you to do what they want. It's just survival.

I'm looking for a place in my head that manages my own fears down without them resonating the two feet through my voice and body language to the attached John whilst leaving enough mental space to communicate effectively in a language that Jay understands and keep a watchful eye on Alex's 'cognitive fog' when the  fatigue kicks in. All this with my climbing friend Colin's invaluable support. It was never going to be easy, but we are here now, as ready as we can be.

Learning to control your mind in extremis requires for me, a process of being as obsessively prepared as possible, then letting go of the small stuff and committing fully with a true belief.

It all feels a little surreal at the moment, like the drawing, but I know none of it is real until we are there on the mountain, on the Eiger.

Vamos!

Battle Grounds

Well we're nearly there. In a way I 've already left, won't see anyone now before I go, apart from in work ; working in job 2 while on holiday from job 1. Wish I didn't have to but I do. I've called this blog 'battle grounds' because much of what I have experienced has felt very much like a battle.

Talking with strangers at odd times, down strange corridors, pensive in silent lifts, walking back out into the world, shaking. Determined, committed but very very alone.

Although I have mentioned depression so far and have expressed this experience as being an attempt to 'Climb Out' it is turning out to be far more revealing than I imagined ( a good thing) more emotional and far harder than I could have thought.

The psychologist I saw in December only scratched the surface, but this opened deep wounds that weakened me. Better this than false strength I thought. I was committed, sold cherished drums to pay for it. But money ran out as life got complicated and expensive. A dreadful goodbye and absent voices drained me almost fully. It's a hard place to start from but as Arthur Ash said

'Begin where you are
Do what you can
Try your best '

So I did. Navigated buying my Cottage fully; a process that snatched away almost all my energy and money. More extra shifts needed, less rest, less energy, less time...

Making time count took over, miles & miles of cycling - hundreds in the end..

Subtle changes felt but lensed through the shadow of self doubt - I just felt tired all the time. So at no point ever felt fit or detected progress; tiredness bringing vulnerability, vulnerability bringing darkness at its heels.

This pain being felt like a nausea, not triggered by thought or a downing tools on effort and positivity. It just fucking happens and it 's powerful. I'm not a negative person and I don't generally feel like a victim in need of rescue, although at the worst times you know what is needed but what simply isn't there - to be held, loved and reassured. You know the big fix or changes are down to you; it's your shit after-all. But you feel you have to minimise it, hide it, put on an act, pretend all is well, protect the world from toxic truths, or at least that's how it feels. Sometimes they leak out, spoil things, snatch away magic, leave a stain that feels indelible; the best of you unseen as it is the hidden fight you try to keep from affecting others. The fight leaking poison into cherished life, wrapping tight coils around your heart, screaming doubts at cardinal instincts, earthquakes shaking bedrock.

But as with Sisyphus and Prometheus there is no stop, the weight you push against, the familiar wounds of sharp moments, the eagles claw.

So this new challenge fuelled the engine of hurts already there, brought new thinking, brought sharp edges and burrs to bare foot walking, the nakedness of the new, armour as yet unmoulded, no map to follow or offer warning of hazards ahead.

All the while deeply deeply tired

But excitement and purpose brings energy from within, echoes and resonance; there is depth within.

So now I feel ready. Want to leave and do.

'Throw out your gold teeth and see how they roll
The answer they reveal
Life is unreal '

With the words of Steely Dan I find the same, yes it feels now a dream, but one I want and will make real, with passion

'Is reason alone babtized, are the passions pagan?'

With Kierkegaard I join, I wish leave behind the labour and structure of getting ready and do - with passion of every fibre of me.

This journey has been hard but I needed something to brace against, or, more accurately, something new to brace against. I woke sentinels within, remembered inner forces I had set down. Now brought to life I just want to do.

There have been battlegrounds but I survived them all. Strong for this and the battles beyond.

Colin

New Sponsors....

A huge thanks to Terra Nova for equipment sponsorship...

See them at http://www.terra-nova.co.uk/

The Stomp Fundraser from Colin

Eiger Paraclimb 2015 - The Stomp from Finalcrux Films on Vimeo.

Final pieces of the jigsaw...

Jamie Owen (Autistic Praclimber) Training in Glen Coe

We are in the final stages of preparing equipment and final travel arrangements for all five of the team.

We still need some key pieces of equipment to make this safe enough for me to attempt this and if you are a company who is still considering sponsoring our project then please act now as we need your help now.

Blind Paraclimber John Churcher Training in Glen Coe

We need 5 of the following

• Alpine Shell jackets
• Alpine Shell pants
• Soft shell pants
• Alpine Gloves
• Alpine head wear
• Thermal Base layers

Colin Gourlay, Jay & Alex Taylor in Glen Coe

A HUGE thank you to all our sponsors for their support to date and all those who have donated towards helping us achieve this difficult goal :

More great supporters... http://www.primus.eu/products/stoves

Thanks to Primus for sponsoring us with specialist stoves for the Eiger:

King of everything or Just a tiny grain of sand…

Sat on the train heading out of Snowdonia possibly for the last time till after the Eiger felt weird. It feels like my Eiger has now began as I start sight guiding for John across Europe tomorrow in the Paraclimbing competitions with just short periods in UK sharing precious time with the woman I have fallen so profoundly in love with, before I land at the base of that big lump of rock and ice again ... The Eiger.

The management of this Paraclimbing project has come together well as we now speed towards the start date. The fitness levels are good and morale is growing even under the intensifying media attention, so its coming time to finally engage in what I love most about all this.

I'm not sure yet why all this truly started, but I feel its going to be alright up there...

Colin will climb out, Alex will climb through her MS, Jay will smile regardless and John will succeed in the first of his greatest adventures.

Me? I've already found what I truly wanted, more than you'll ever know...

Mark.

Who Am I Now?

A year ago seems further than I can imagine. So much has changed. Now I am in a new universe, new stars above, new tides pulling. I am adrift. I really am. bedrock, storms crashing upon. Water, relentless, finding every flaw and hidden secret. My wee island, my flying, my albatross turning into blinding sun. That I can turn and find a safe place to fall to, I cannot. Safe harbour, a flicker beyond my sight.

The person I have been

I have no idea

This boat sails far from any shore

I wish I could say I am climbing out

It would appear my journey goes elsewhere first.

But I travel still.

To the Eiger.

I will switch on forces.
Forget myself, fill myself with love, let steady force flow, give with my body, give with my heart.

Maybe believe in magic again.

Magic for me..

I know I deserve it...

Col

More great sponsors on board...

A huge thanks to our new supporters:

Please support us through Fundrazor:

Only 4 weeks to go... New sponsors on board...

Pulling gear together and final funding required as we count down to the last few weeks before we leave.

A huge thanks to our new supporters:

Please support us through Fundrazor:

Time of My Life... "What the ACTUAL fuck..."

A room with a view... A lot of memories

For me, the trip to Glen Coe with the team, held a lot of significance, facing some ghosts from the avalanche, just a private tear for my friend as I walked with John attached behind me up towards the water slab where my friend died under the snow all those years ago.

I thought I would feel really scared climbing up the route that I was avalanched over as it was a profound experience to be thrown down a mountain like that over such steep ground, lose a friend, live, then learn to live with it. But with the intense objective of having John by my side, moving as one, made the return to this magical place a positive experience.

Seeing Jay, Alex and Colin forming a cohesive working climbing team up there was just so fantastic and I knew then that Colin was the right choice to help me with this Eiger Paraclimb. His journey is as big as the others as he fights his way towards accepting that change has to be a part of his journey away from chronic depression towards allowing himself the gift of letting happiness have an unequal share of his everyday experiences and thinking. The Eiger is just metaphorical for the team. each member finding their own meaning from the journey.

 

For me, it's not about the project in Switzerland, it's about trusting in something that I don't need to prepare to lose before I have it. It seems I have forgotten how to be something to someone. Re-learning to build my life with a new belief in someone that just seems so right. "What the ACTUAL fuck..."

Colin short roping Jay, with Alex behind on Curved Ridge

John and I moved faster and with more confidence than we ever have. We are learning to trust each other more and more, understanding the rules of what we are doing are being written by us and not in some manual for us to refer to. It's just a very human experience sight guiding and moving together on an exposed route like Curved Ridge. It's bigger than you could ever imagine. Watching the faces of others as we climb past them or them us, is just amazing and feels like fucking poetry...

It seems I am having the time of my life again.

Mark.

Courage: John feeling for holds at 2000ft above sea level!

The whole team on the summit of Buachaillie Etive Mor, Glencoe

Jay having the time of his life in a mountain environment...

The River beside the Hut, below The Mountain...

Defiance

Shall I call this fire?

To try?

That

Inside burns fire?

But the things

Hurt

Pull me back

Pull me down

around corners unseen

If I thought of escape where to fly to...
Into the sky?
The scouring wind tearing clouds from mountains, taking dignity from flowers and trees.
Into the night?
Shadows gather in armies, pull my legs away, the fall bruising weary times.

If I was to stand and resist, fly my flag and cry out rage, but if asked 'what do you fight for?' Could I answer? know the fuel from where my defiance flows?

such a whisper though

silenced too often

Defiance; keeping going when even you stop believing, when there seems no point; that you know still there is a shred of you that never was defeated

And never will be

I will climb out

My footsteps are on the path to this. I hope from the Eiger I can see my way

I hope

I hope

I hope.



Colin.

Eiger Paraclimb 2015 Training Weekend - Curved Ridge, Glencoe, Scotland

Back to Black - The Jacksonville Hut

The Mountain, Glen Coe (Photo Dave Cuthbertson)

As we prepare for our 2nd training weekend, this time in my own Glen Coe in Scotland, things seem to be coming together with the others fitness and my own. Some new equipment sponsorship coming in to help our cause and it feels to me like the group is becoming more cohesive. The final 6 weeks before we leave has to be a period of full commitment to nothing but increasing aerobic mountain fitness and endurance that will make our eyes water!

Fracture Route on Rannoch Wall age 14

The training route, Curved Ridge is a magical place. A place where Colin and I used to go most weekends at age 14 and climb the surrounding rock walls until the light of the day warned us to leave enough time to get down the 1,500ft to the black hut  of The Creagh Dhu Mountaineering Club before dark.

The Jacksonville Hut in Glen Coe

The Creagh Dhu have kindly allowed us to use their fiercely coveted black hut at the bottom of our route. I am so chuffed at this, as it will add a lot more depth to this for Colin and I as we relish in how this Eiger Paraclimb has helped bring us both back to this place together years later with so many wild experience just outside our window: soloing on Rannoch Wall together, car crashes, avalanches, Shibboleth, a hundred sunsets over Rannoch Moor and much more...

So it's back to black...

Mark